It’s rare for me to time a taco purchase with Taco Tuesday, but I did so today on the way home, and “set the table” on my front porch for dinner. Opened my styro takeout container and started inhaling tacos like I do, ladylike, nobody look at me, don’t make eye contact, and halfway into the last taco, something started buzzing around me. I ignored it for a moment, thinking it was a fly, until I saw it pause in flight — yellow jacket.
I have a severe venom allergy that likely includes yellow jackets, so I calmly rose from my chair as it whirred around me, closed the styro container to protect my treasured remaining half-taco, and stepped out of the immediate vicinity to give the bug time to finish his investigation and clear out.
Oh, but he was investigating my dinner. He made a beeline (yes) to the closed container, DIRECTLY TO THE LATCH, and shoved his volatile butt through the tiny, flimsy gap in the styro closing mechanism. So now, I had a container of forlorn taco + driven yellow jacket.
I pondered a moment, and weighed my options. Give up remaining half-taco. Or, OR — hear me out — put some big-girl panties on and gingerly unlatch the container and run like hell, then maybe eat half-taco? I mean, I was still hungry for tacos, so I opted for the latter. I’m not proud.
Except that when I leaned in to unlatch the thing, jiffy-pop noises started coming from the styro. Dude got mad. Maybe he doesn’t like carnitas? who does that? but welp, I wasn’t about to unleash him. So, um, I left the container there, figuring it would be even lamer to try to get assistance to rescue my remaining half-eaten taco so that I could just finish eating it in the presence of whomever i recruited to help rescue it, because what am I going to do, wipe the half-eaten taco off on my jeans and offer sharezies for a helper’s efforts in fending off an angry wasp?
And then I went to yoga class. The container was still popping then, 30 min later.
And it’s still out there, on the table.
He stopped popping by the time I got home, but I could still hear him motoring around. I don’t exactly have a special place in my heart for wasps out of all the stinging insects, but he just wanted taco tuesday, and I can’t really fault him there, I mean, look at me, weighing my life against eating those two bites (okay, who am I kidding, that ONE remaining bite) of taco. I guess corn tortillas have sugar, no? he has all the taco he wants until morning, and a pillowy pillow of carnitas to snooze on. I figure I’ll open/toss the container in the morning, leading up to trash day, or in the meantime, if a bear happens by my front porch in the dark of night, hey, free taco, and a wasp means nothing to a 250lb animal.
So anyway, what I’m saying is, if you’re my neighbor and you’re reading this, now you know what that styro container on my front porch is, and I mean, if you’re really hungry, you’re welcome to my half-eaten taco. but you’ve been warned.